I really can't stay... oh, but it's cold outside!

Sometimes I do stuff that isn't too awesome.

About two hours ago I was getting back from work, having gone to the post office to pick up a package on my way back to the apartment. The plan was to drop off the package at the apartment, grab my mail, and head out to do some Christmas shopping. When I got back I would read for a while, dance around naked, and then go to bed.

It was a truly wonderful plan.

However, what actually happened was not that.

I got back to the apartment and dropped off the package (so far, so good). I then unlocked my car with the remote opener (this will be important in a minute), got back into my car and drove it approximately fifteen yards to the mailbox room (usually I walk, as it is fifteen yards, but I was on my way out anyway). I got out of my car, making sure my remote opener was in my pocket just in case I'd accidentally locked the car door, and got my mail (a Christmas card from my aunt - still good). I got back to my car and discovered that the door was locked. No problem, I've got my remote opener! Superhero!

The remote opener does not remotely unlock the door. I press the button again. Still nothing. (This is where the plan goes awry.) "Oh dear," I say as I push the button really hard - alas, the door remains locked.

Did I mention the car is still running?

I am now locked out of my car, in -3 degree weather. My car is partially blocking someone's garage. It is running and the lights are on. I go back in my apartment and call AAA, who are very busy, because it is -3 degrees right now. During the half hour I am on hold, I pry apart the remote opener with a butter knife and fiddle the weird-looking batteries around a bit. I warm it up and say nice things to it. I offer it tea. I then take it back outside and attempt to use it to unlock the door again.

No dice.

I go back inside. I change my pants. I change my socks. I change my shirt. I put on my swanky new coat (thanks, mom! :D) and go back outside to the car. I try talking to it. It talks back in the slightly muffled voice of WPR, saying something that sounds like, "I'm not sure what you expect me to do about it, sweet cheeks."

I go back inside again. I take apart every small electronic device in the apartment looking for batteries that resemble those in the remote opener. None of them do.

Crystal at AAA picks up! She is very sympathetic with my plight and apologizes for the wait. I'm all, "Heeeey, that's cool. You didn't lock me out of my car, ha ha." Crystal does not catch my not-funny joke, but I forgive her because she is very busy tonight.

So now I'm waiting for someone to come unlock the car. Hopefully they'll get here by 8:30 so I can go buy my Christmas presents (The Boyfriend doesn't read this, but the way tonight is going he probably will so - your extra-classy girlfriend was going to get you some scotch for Christmas, poopsiekins), but they're very busy given the cold. I may just say "screw it" and have a beer instead.

There are some good things we can take from this, however. My phone was not locked in the car (I do not have a land line). I have half a tank of gas, which will hopefully be enough to last until the person comes to unlock the car. I'm out of the wind in my cozy apartment with food and warm socks and I can blog and watch a Gossip Girl rerun.

I say to you: Do not trust your remote opener. I never, ever leave my car running while I "run in to [do something]" for two seconds, and the one time I do, it stops working. Thirty seconds after it unlocked my car with no problems. Further - do not go see Twilight unless you want to be a little embarrassed.

Here endeth my advice.

I think I need to educate some of the media on the geography of the United States.

This morning, I turned on the television before work, where I found The Today Show. The Today Show was talking about the snow that was going to hit New York. One of them (I don't watch the show, I don't know his name) was outside in not-snowy New York, talking about the not-delays at La Guardia (because it wasn't snowing), and this exchange took place:

Meredith: Are they expecting flight delays today and this evening?
Guy: Possibly. Right now, we're watching for choke-point airports. We're seeing delays and canceled flights out of Milwaukee and other east-coast airports like O'Hare. O'Hare is a real choke-point.
Me: What?

Oh silly Today Show, Milwaukee and Chicago are not on the east coast. Thank goodness. Also, I wish someone would tell that guy to stop saying "choke-point." Sounds like something illegal.

This afternoon I was looking at CNN.com (Blagojevich is a real *#$&ing winner, isn't he? And people in Illinois want to build a fence to keep us out...) where there was an image of a person in a raincoat in the snow outside the MGM Grand, with the title, "Winter storm rips into Midwest, Northeast."

Last I checked, the MGM Grand was in Las Vegas. Las Vegas is nowhere near the Midwest or the Northeast.

It is awesome, however, that it is around 20 degrees here now. I want to go outside in my swimming suit, it's so warm.

Boo.

Oh. I get it.

What's! The weather for the weekend gonna be? Will it be hot? Cold? Rain? Snow?

I no longer believe in weather.

That's it! I don't believe in weather. Similar to the fact that I no longer believe in money - weather is dead to me.

Our high temperature since Sunday has been 6 degrees. Six! It is currently a full twenty degrees warmer in Milwaukee than it is here. I fail to understand how this is possible, and refuse to believe it. When I left for work this morning, it was -15. Without the windchill. This weather, in which I do not believe, is not working very well with my wardrobe of skirts and boots.

Now the weather is telling me it will snow several inches between midnight tonight and 6 PM tomorrow. First off, this is not convenient timing for me, so I refuse to believe it. Secondly, this is the weather now:


How does this equal a foot or so of snow in Wisconsin in twelve hours? I do not believe it. Yes, there's that sliver of snow over South Dakota that looks like it might get here about then, but it's clearly going to dissipate somewhere over Iowa and besides - that can't be a foot of snow. It's so little and the snow we're supposed to get is supposed to spread over the whole state. And it's not even the dark blue, it's the pleasant teal-type blue. Not believing it.

Therefore, I will proceed with my plan to drive home at noon, and trust that I will have no problems whatsoever.

Because I don't believe in weather. No, I do not. Ergo, it can not muck up my plans.

Girls don't like boys, girls like master's degrees and jobs with benefits.

Riddle me this: Currently, there is quite a bit of talk about stimulus packages. Who do I call at The Government to tell them that if they want us to spend money, they should just take a magic eraser and erase all student loan debt? Not in ten years after working at a library and making outlandish monthly payments on my loan, but now. If you need me to spend money now-now-now (like you said you do) - retroactively make my education free. I'll even let you keep the payments I've already made on my loan. The ten-year loan forgiveness for public servants thing is great... but there aren't any jobs right now. How can I work in public service for the next ten years if I can't get a permanent position?

I will tell you, The Government - forgive student loans. We'll spend more money. Heck, I'll buy a car if you forgive my student loan! I might even consider buying a house one day!

Until that happens... I'm not going to be spending much money on anything but loan repayment. Maybe you can buy stock in that!

Who is the person in The Government who needs to hear this? Someone in Education? The Treasury? The President-Elect? I have these great plans, I just don't know who needs to be convinced of their greatness.

(Let's just forget for a minute that banks need student loan money right now. Money is all imaginary, anyway.)

This is a great plan! Don't you think I have great plans? (Shut up about the banks!)

That is all.

Cool Thing #7 - Small-market Professional Sports Teams

The Green Bay Packers are my favorite football team. Not only is this because they belong in my home state (or because they have won twelve league championships and the Superbowl trophy is named after Vince Lombardi, though those are nice things), but also because no city in Wisconsin has any business with an NFL team. The whole population of Wisconsin is less than that of Chicago and its metro area. The Target I go to in Green Bay is right next to a dairy farm. Lambeau Field is on the edge of a residential neighborhood. The Packers are unique within the NFL as a small-town team with (if you ask me) unparalleled fan loyalty - every home game has been sold out for more than forty years. Even when they suck. Like they do now.

The Packers are the only non-profit NFL team owned by a bazillion stockholders, and for that reason, they will never leave Green Bay. And that is awesome.


When you're bored in Green Bay on a Sunday afternoon (not an unusual occurrence when it's winter and you've just moved here, and you only know your coworkers), you can pop on by the stadium to watch the (away) game and eat a brat. And in case anyone is curious, the Packer Pro Shop still has all the Favre merchandise you'd expect to find before he un-retired and went to a much lamer team.


It's a nice stadium. I hadn't been there since they added the atrium, but it's very swanky. On a day it isn't snowing, I'll take the tour.


There is no way Vince Lombardi was this tall in real life. Epic, yes. One of the most quotable people ever? Probably. A giant? No. But it's much more impressive this way. And it's really too bad that winning is the only thing, since they aren't doing it much these days.

The Packers are a cool thing.

What it do?

This is just an excuse to post pictures of my new apartment, and to say that I believe the best movie Madonna is in to be A League of Their Own.


Why yes, my Christmas tree does match my kitchen, thank you for noticing. And no, that is not really an accident. I find red is very easy to match when you have lots of slightly different-colored red things in your apartment.


It should surprise no one that this is my favorite part of the apartment. My books, my turntable, and my positively giant universal remote from Walgreen's I bought for $9 because MoPo and KP couldn't find the remote control to the TV they very generously let me take from their apartment. It never gets lost, and I bet you can't say that about your remote. Unless it too is the size of the seventh Harry Potter book.


My bedroom with Pedro Panda, a gift from my sister. He is from China!


I may have mentioned that I really like my kitchen and its little window into the living room. The majority of my apartment-time is spent in these two rooms, so it's good that I like them.

Woo apartment woo!

Yeah, you look about like the kind of angel I'd get.

Cool Thing #6 - Christmas

In general I don't have much time these days, but Christmas is really super.


Who doesn't like Christmas?

Okay, to be fair, I know at least two people who claim not to like Christmas. Some people are not Christians, and this is a valid reason to not like Christmas (though I have have several atheist, Jewish, Muslim, agnostic, Hindu, and [other belief system to which a friend subscribes I've undoubtedly forgotten] friends who are perfectly fine with Christmas. In fact, one of my favorite non-Christian couples is having a Christmas party next weekend, hooray). Some people do not like Christmas because it is overcommercialized and the true meaning has been pushed aside. Some people do not like Christmas because really, December 25th was Mithras's birthday and they assigned it to Jesus after Emperor Constantine became Christian, and they don't think that's fair.

However, I like Christmas. I'm not a big fan of Santa Claus and I don't care much for Miracle on 34th Street (if we're going with black-and-white Christmas movies, It's a Wonderful Life is far superior in my book), but I am a Christian and I love that Christmas is a day for family, friends, and celebration. It's also a plus that everything in December smells like cinnamon and pine trees. Last year my family did not exchange presents, and it was great. The day was not about getting things, it was about being together.

Plus, I really like getting out my Christmas decorations, particularly when we've got two feet of snow on the ground. Mmm, Christmas.


It may be worth noting that a Christmas tree is not a Wisconsin tree unless it has a sports-related ornament hanging on it. It seems I am set in this regard, though if you see a baseball ornament with the Brewers logo... I'd pay you back (evidently people in Green Bay do not watch the Brewers and consequently do not have Brewers ornaments for sale at Target. They do love the Badgers though, to which I loudly say boo). Some people will tell you that a true upper-midwestern Christmas tree requires a pickle ornament, but I dispute this as I am not German and thus have no reason to put a pickle on my tree. Though it is kind of silly and I approve of that. I gave my grandfather a banana ornament one year, and he never stopped finding it funny.

I have a Packers ornament, a Quiddich-playing Harry Potter ornament (with accompanying Snitch somewhere on the tree. Sidenote - how great is The Tales of Beedle the Bard? Ol' Dumbleface's accompanying notes are a hoot and a half), a grande skim peppermint mocha from Starbucks ornament, and some bells featuring characters from the claymation version of Rudolph.

This is my tree. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Christmas is cool, and I hope you get to spend it with people you love.

An October Picture

I was going to post about a thing that is not cool (namely Moving Away From Your Family And Friends and the Most Awesome Neighborhood in Wisconsin) but instead I will post about a thing that is cool:

Cool Thing #5: Free Internet From Your New Landlord.

I think this is fairly self-explanatory.