I have a dream... a song to sing.

I have insane dreams. So does everyone. Nobody likes to hear about other people's insane dreams.

Too bad. We're nine days from the end of the month and unless you want to hear about the lint I found on my office chair this morning (it was purple), we're going to talk about this.

A few months ago I had a dream, the entirety of which was a cooking show hosted by Barack Obama and Derek Jeter. They made burritos.

Another recent dream involved ordering pizza at The Boyfriend's house. When the pizza arrived I answered the door and discovered that instead of bringing us pizza, the pizza boy was actually robbing us! I had to let The Boyfriend know this in a subtle yet effective way. Luckily I had a giant bag of message candy hearts with me, and while being led down the stairs at gunpoint I dug around in the bag and found one that said "Mystery pizza boy robbery" on it. I threw this to The Boyfriend across the room so he would know we were being robbed.

I'm not sure why he didn't get it from the fact that the pizza boy had a gun instead of a pizza.

Friday morning, between hits of the snooze button, I had a dream that I was sitting in Dumbledore's office for a very important and impressive magical reason. At one point in our conversation, Dumbledore said to me, "I'm sure you're wondering about the sheepdog Ferrari incident."

And then my alarm went off.

Noooo! I absolutely am wondering about the sheepdog Ferrari incident! What was it? WILL I NEVER KNOW?

I could never come up with this stuff when I am awake.


absolutemediocrity said...

You can too come up with that stuff while you're awake. You just have to shut down that part of your brain that, you know, processes thoughts. You start a sentence with a word, like "monkey," and just go from there.

Monkey, octogenarian priest weds couple in Malibu, guests unhappy with what he threw instead of rice.

See? It's easy, long as you don't mind being thought of as mentally ill...

Natalie said...

These dreams are AMAZING. I need to start a dream journal because unless my dreams are incredibly emotional or inspire me to create a piece of art I forget them. These dreamss are hysterical and much more entertaining than others. You really should start writing all of these in this fashion. Maybe a dream a day from now on???