I hate this place, and I hate this cat!

Nobody enjoys hearing about other people's dreams, right? That is, of course, unless they're funny, or involve you in some way.

Did I tell you about the one I had in which I had somehow been roped into joining the army and was deployed to Iraq? I acquired some sort of stray desert cat as a pet while there, and the most vivid part of the dream was me screaming at the top of my lungs, "I hate this place! I hate these tents! I hate this sand! I hate this place, I hate this place, I hate this place, and I HATE THIS CAT!"

What about the one in which I was carjacked outside a mini-golf course? I woke myself up when I screamed to Oprah (who was playing mini-golf), "HELP ME, OPRAH!! CARJACKING!!" I'll never know what Oprah would have done, as I awoke screaming, "Carjacking!!"

Last night my dream was not nearly as pleasant as these. Suffice to say it was the most terrifying and awful nightmare I've had in years. I managed to startle myself awake at about 3:00 this morning to find myself confused and tentatively relieved that no, the country had not been destroyed by h-bombs, the population of the country had not been reduced to melting Dali-esque mutants (all of whom were desperate for my help... I didn't know what to do, re-mold them into more peopley-type shapes?), and my right eye had not melted and fallen out.

Put that way, it doesn't sound terrifying as much as it sounds gross. One thing I learned from this dream, though - DO NOT TRANSPORT NUCLEAR WEAPONS IN SEMI TRUCKS.

I always trust the advice I get from my dreams. You don't see any cats in my apartment, do you? Nosiree.